5 songs in the field of...footwear

'Diamonds on the soles of her shoes' - Paul Simon

Surely the whole point of wearing diamonds is to attract jealousy from unsuspecting onlookers who are much less fortunate than yourself. It's a vulgarian display of the highest order. Well actually, this girl was so stinking rich she just stuck them on the bottom of her shoes - why? Because she could.

'(Angels wanna wear my) Red Shoes' - Elvis Costello

As cool as Elvis Costello is, I don’t think that he can pull of red shoes. No matter who you are or what you’ve got on, you'll look ridiculous. Even Father Christmas himself opts for a more dignified black pair. Let the angels have them if you ask me, unless you are in actual fact Noddy, steer well clear!

'Boogie Shoes' - KC & the Sunshine Band

Although KC don’t specify exactly what shoes constitutes a ‘boogie shoe’ I think it’s safe to assume that even a pair of Crocs would do the trick when you’ve got a groove like this. Beware though, once you put them boogie shoes on, they’re not coming off! One size fits all.

'Blue Suede Shoes' - Elvis Presley

Elvis was a pretty fashionable chap, but not the most practical when it came to footwear I have to say. When you’ve got to wade through endless streams of fluids from you’re crazed female fans after every gig, the last thing you want to be wearing is suede – an absolute nightmare to clean!

'Fairies Wear Boots' - Black Sabbath

It's quite hard to picture Tinkerbell wearing a pair of Doc Martens. I guess once you've taken as many drugs as Ozzy has then it isn't totally inconceivable. I like to imagine that when Sharon isn't around, it's these fairies who help him through the day-to-day turmoil of being Ozzy Ozbourne.